Week #5: Show Me the Money!

Let me preface this post by saying this is ridden with personal opinion and I'm hormonal, thus it's long...

I'll post a list of Week 5 breakdowns at some point this week as there was a myriad of fun stories (Cam Newtown, Jermichael Finely, the Packers defense, Tim Tebow...), but right now I want to write about agents... well Drew Rosenhaus actually, as most in his industry don't always like to acknowledge he shares their profession.

If you didn't get a chance to see the 60 Minutes special on Rosenhaus, it's an interesting one to watch (http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7384066n). Here's the (biased) recap:

• My father was and is called many things, one of which is always arrogant, so I tend to empathize with someone who is always labeled as such. But, there is a difference between the "arrogance" my Dad carried around and the arrogance Rosenhaus does. My father's was common sense. Rosenhaus' is a compensation technique. 
• People feel sorry for Rosenhaus that he doesn't have a family, a girlfriend, as a consequence of his work ethic. As far as I know, Drew doesn't outwork any coach or player, and last I looked, my parents had been married for over 27 years when my dad left coaching. It's not your work (ethic) that leaves you alone, it's how you handle it. (Note that I said "doesn't outwork" - I don't deny that Drew Rosenhaus potentially works as hard.... potentially.)
• Rosenhaus claims to have 170 active NFL clients - Google those clients... there's a reason he represents who he represents. They don't all carry the same persona, but there's a resounding theme among them. You know what they say (they being me): big shoes, big [fill in the blank]. Big agent, little [fill in the blank].
• He has a phone for texting and calling, another for emails. Get an iPhone.
• DR has nearly 50 grievances filed against him for "stealing" people's clients. Wouldn't you rather the first one to sleep with the prom queen? 
• And here's the good one .... Rosenhaus claims the NFL could not carry on without him - comments which he quickly took to Twitter to clarify as meaning the NFL could not carry on with out agents. This only after he realized the impression his comments left. Let's blame it on editing like every Real Housewife from here to Orange County does.

The real story is this: Owners and Coaches talk to agents because they have to. It's the only way they are left to communicate with players on certain topics. I guarantee you if you put an owner / coach and a rookie in one room to negotiate a deal and Rosenhaus and owner / coach in the other, the former's deal would get done first. This is where the cynics would say it's only because the owner / coach was able to take advantage of the player. As Ozzie Newsome with the Baltimore Ravens will tell you, both sides have to win. What does either side stand to gain by screwing the other?

So, attention future players to come - use your head. Hire a good lawyer and save the 3% (the highest commission percentage currently allowed in the NFL). The value of the used car Rosenhaus sells you for a great deal can me made up by taking a lesser deal, saving the commission you'd pay, and running less chance of pissing off your future coach / owner that you hired Rosenhaus as your agent. However if you do opt for an agent, find one that doesn't feel the need to use arrogance to justify his professional worth. Find the one that doesn't have to go on television to talk about how good he is. Find the one that doesn't center his business strategy around his Tae Kwon Do training or put his fist through a flame of bricks to prove he's resilient enough to go to "battle" for you.

If Drew Rosenhaus saw this, he'd tell me to go play with my barbies because you just don't get little girl. My response - I'm not the one wearing around a batman t-shirt at the age of 45. I think the problem here is that you don't get it, Drew. The only reason you still exist is because someone out there will always be foolish enough to pay you and you know how to sell that.

Perhaps the next time I answer the Table Topics dinner card of questions of who I would most like to eat dinner with, I'd say Rosenhaus. There's got to be more there... and you can't bullshit a bullshitter when you sit with me (sorry for the language, Mom - but I did say it was coming).

Life's lesson: Nothing revolves around one man.

(Post Script: Rosenhaus' redeeming qualities: He went to Duke University law school and he was bullied as a child - the former an excellent accomplishment, the latter nothing anyone should ever have to put up with.)